Monday, January 30, 2012

Hard Things

I've decided to try something new.  Sunday Scriptures.  Every Sunday I find myself pondering some great truth that I'm truly thankful for.  I feel like my understanding and testimony have been strengthened.  And then we get home from Church.  And the week starts.  And pondering becomes less and less as the week goes on.  So this is my attempt to keep a little more.  Plus writing always helps me solidify my thoughts and understand what it is I'm really thinking. 

In 1st Nephi when Lehi tells his sons to go back to Jerusalem to get the plates from Laban, Laman and Lemuel complain.  Lehi reports that they tell him "it is a hard thing which I have required of them," and Lehi responds "behold, I have not required it of them, but it is a commandment of the Lord."  And then Nephi comes in all his glory to tell us that no matter what the Lord commands, He also prepares a way that we can keep or accomplish the commandment (1 Ne 3:5-7).  I've read this passage of scripture A LOT of times and in the past I've always thought Lehi was just telling Laman and Lemuel to buck up and be men.  If the Lord commands it, it means it's not hard.  After all, He even provides a way to accomplish it. 

Last week when I read this scripture, and then again when it was mentioned in Sunday School yesterday, I realized how wrong I was.  Lehi never denies that what is being asked is hard, he only corrects the misunderstanding that it was him doing the asking.  Nephi never jumps up and down and shouting for joy that the Lord has asked one more easy thing of them.  He never even says that the Lord will make it easy, he only says the Lord will make it possible. As I've continued in First Nephi I've been noticing how many times a bunch of stuff happens and then it says that it all came to pass while Lehi was living in a tent.  I think that's included so we realize that what they were doing wasn't easy, it was hard!  Over and over the Lord asked hard things of Lehi and his family.  They lived in tents wandering in the wilderness.  They didn't know where they were going.  They left their home and friends.  They were hungry.  They had babies IN THE WILDERNESS LIVING IN TENTS.  Nephi had to build a boat, he had never done that before.  They all had to be brave enough to get on the boat Nephi built even though he had never built a boat before.

It's easy to get down on Laman and Lemuel and think they're just a bunch of whiners who were too wimpy to leave their cushy life in Jerusalem.  But when I think about it, I probably would have whined too.  Maybe I wouldn't have gotten all violent and tried to kill my brother, but that's for another day.  The point is, the Lord asks us to do hard things.  And when He does, we have two choices.  We can either whine and ask why life is so hard, or we can have faith and ask the Lord for understanding.  Every time Nephi prayed to understand a prophesy or a commandment, he received an answer.  His faith never faltered through the hard things because he asked the right questions.  "I can do hard things" is a pretty common saying, but I don't think I can do hard things.  I think with enough faith and the help of my Savior I can do all that He asks of me, together we can do all things.

Friday, January 27, 2012

I've Got It, Yeah Baby I've Got It

Writer's block.  Or, blogger's block.  Or, when I want to write I can't make time and when I have time I can't write block.  Whatever it is, I've got it bad.  So today I'm participating in no-delete-Friday (idea stolen from here).  Whatever I write I'm posting and I don't care. And I'm writing whatever comes to mind.   So there.  Sounds like a high school writing exercise.  I guess those darn teachers really do stuff for a reason.

Dang it, I just failed at no-delete-Friday.  I did it again.  Here I go, for reals this time.  I have no idea what's going on in the election right now.  I'm disturbed by that.  I can blame it on not having TV and not listening much to the news on the radio.  But really, I could get my info the way 99% of the rest of Americans do.  Oh, and I don't get the news paper anymore.  But really, I think I'm just fed up.  And not with politics and politicians.  I'm fed up with people who follow politics.  I think voters are getting  just as slimy as they perceive politicians to be.  I'm sick of all the blaming.  People want the government to butt out of their lives but they don't want the government to stop paying for anything.  They want the government to control spending, but they won't tolerate cuts in programs or raised taxes (I get that the government can do a lot better managing the money it has, but still, lets get real.)  I don't think anything will change until we all grow up.  So what do I do?  Join the people I'm learning to loathe?  Or let them keep being the only ones participating?  I guess I should grow up and start participating again.

I wonder what would happen if I treated my body the way I treat my daughter's body.  I would eat a million times more fruits and veggies.  I would make sure I was getting adequate physical activity and rest.  Oh, and I would do it all out of a concern for my health, not the way I look.  I'm working on that.  I don't want my daughter to see me fussing about weight and pant size and does thsi make me look fat.  I want her to see me treat my body well because I recognize it's a gift from my Heavenly Father that I'm extremely grateful for and want to keep healthy.

Some days I wish I had a job.  I'm so thankful I get to stay home with M, don't get me wrong.  We were watching an episode of Scrubs the other day and JD told the Janitor that the next day he would still be cleaning the same spot on the floor, what the janitor did really didn't matter (way funnier on the show) and I realized sometimes I feel like the janitor.  Not that what I do doesn't matter, but that tomorrow you'll find me doing the same dishes, cleaning up the same toys, and changing the same diapers I did yesterday.  Some days I think about putting on my nice work clothes, taking them off at the end of the day, and hanging them up still clean in my closet.

I check on M every night before I go to bed.  Somehow watching her sleep puts it all in perspective and I go to bed every night feeling unreasonably blessed and content.

I think I'm a perfectionist.  Not the kind who wants to do everything right, but the kind who is utterly terrified at making a mistake.  I relive conversations long after they happen and I'm certain the other participant has forgotten, but I'm sure I've offended them or said something to make myself look like an idiot.  Same thing with writing.  Yikes.

I wonder who reads this blog.  I know there are 12 of you who are brave enough to admit it publicly, and a handful who even comment.  But who are the rest of you? 

Ok, I'm done.  It felt good to write, random as it was.  Hopefully my inability to write was temporary and my brains aren't really leaking out my ears. 

Monday, January 9, 2012

What Would You Do?

So I know I promised you some more substantive thoughts after the last post.  And I swear I'll get to them eventually.  But right now I only have a minute and have a question for you.  And I really want you to answer it.  Even if I don't know you.  I'm really curious.  So thanks in advance.

I have a spot on the back of my throat.  It's a white one.  The kind you get when you have strep.  Only my throat doesn't hurt and I certainly don't have strep.  Oh, and it's been there for probably close to a year.  I've been thinking lately about getting it checked out but I'm not sure.  Would you?  Is it worth paying a doctor visit when I'm not sick?  Is it weird that it's just there and won't go away?  Do you have a white spot on your throat and I just don't know?  What would you do?

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

ocd tendencies

One of my goals for 2012 is to revamp our family budget.  I want a more specific budget that is easier to follow and maintain.  I've been thinking about a bunch of other things besides money, but there's one big problem with my new budget plan that just keeps butting into my other thoughts.  So maybe when I get it worked out (I don't really obsess about it all day, it just keeps nagging) I'll be able to blog about something else.  There are some gospel/Christmas/New Year/goal related things I really want to write about but I need the ideas to be a little more solid before I just dive in.  I've been surprised since I started this blog how much I really think about gospel related topics.  I didn't think I would want to write about it that much, but turns out I want to write about it a lot.  Huh. 

Ok, so here's my budget dilemma that keeps nagging.  It's pretty silly.  I've revamped the actual budget template I'm using and I think it's going to be awesome.  However, my current budget months do not start on the 1st and end at the end of the month.  Pay day around here comes on the same two days of the month each month.  So my budget months go from first payday to first payday.  It's worked out great.  But I've been wondering if I should switch to a regular monthly budget.  But then my budget starts when we don't have a paycheck and I still have to grocery shop that week.  So then do I have to budget money from the last pay check of last month to roll over to the beginning of this month for groceries?  That seems complicated.  And an awful lot like I'm budgeting from first paycheck to first paycheck and not from month to month.  But once you get on a regular monthly budget is it easier to track?  And what about when the husband graduates and gets a different job?  I'm guessing payday won't be the same.  Will it be a smoother transition to different paychecks if my budget goes from the 1st to the end of the month?  It also bugs me that I'm still using my 2011 file right now even though it's 2012.  I want to start my new folders fresh with the new year.  Not on first paycheck day.  My ocd tendencies are starting to run into each other and cause problems.  Yikes.  I can't really believe I'm so bugged by this I'm actually writing it down.  But I'm going to post it anyway.  For the sake of writing and having an audience.  But I'm going to stop now so I don't make you think I'm crazier than you already do.  I'll be back with more substantive topics later.