Writer's block. Or, blogger's block. Or, when I want to write I can't make time and when I have time I can't write block. Whatever it is, I've got it bad. So today I'm participating in no-delete-Friday (idea stolen from here). Whatever I write I'm posting and I don't care. And I'm writing whatever comes to mind. So there. Sounds like a high school writing exercise. I guess those darn teachers really do stuff for a reason.
Dang it, I just failed at no-delete-Friday. I did it again. Here I go, for reals this time. I have no idea what's going on in the election right now. I'm disturbed by that. I can blame it on not having TV and not listening much to the news on the radio. But really, I could get my info the way 99% of the rest of Americans do. Oh, and I don't get the news paper anymore. But really, I think I'm just fed up. And not with politics and politicians. I'm fed up with people who follow politics. I think voters are getting just as slimy as they perceive politicians to be. I'm sick of all the blaming. People want the government to butt out of their lives but they don't want the government to stop paying for anything. They want the government to control spending, but they won't tolerate cuts in programs or raised taxes (I get that the government can do a lot better managing the money it has, but still, lets get real.) I don't think anything will change until we all grow up. So what do I do? Join the people I'm learning to loathe? Or let them keep being the only ones participating? I guess I should grow up and start participating again.
I wonder what would happen if I treated my body the way I treat my daughter's body. I would eat a million times more fruits and veggies. I would make sure I was getting adequate physical activity and rest. Oh, and I would do it all out of a concern for my health, not the way I look. I'm working on that. I don't want my daughter to see me fussing about weight and pant size and does thsi make me look fat. I want her to see me treat my body well because I recognize it's a gift from my Heavenly Father that I'm extremely grateful for and want to keep healthy.
Some days I wish I had a job. I'm so thankful I get to stay home with M, don't get me wrong. We were watching an episode of Scrubs the other day and JD told the Janitor that the next day he would still be cleaning the same spot on the floor, what the janitor did really didn't matter (way funnier on the show) and I realized sometimes I feel like the janitor. Not that what I do doesn't matter, but that tomorrow you'll find me doing the same dishes, cleaning up the same toys, and changing the same diapers I did yesterday. Some days I think about putting on my nice work clothes, taking them off at the end of the day, and hanging them up still clean in my closet.
I check on M every night before I go to bed. Somehow watching her sleep puts it all in perspective and I go to bed every night feeling unreasonably blessed and content.
I think I'm a perfectionist. Not the kind who wants to do everything right, but the kind who is utterly terrified at making a mistake. I relive conversations long after they happen and I'm certain the other participant has forgotten, but I'm sure I've offended them or said something to make myself look like an idiot. Same thing with writing. Yikes.
I wonder who reads this blog. I know there are 12 of you who are brave enough to admit it publicly, and a handful who even comment. But who are the rest of you?
Ok, I'm done. It felt good to write, random as it was. Hopefully my inability to write was temporary and my brains aren't really leaking out my ears.
6 comments:
I think about the "how I treat my body thing" all the time too. If I ate the same way I make Lilia eat and slept the way she sleeps I'd probably have the energy to keep up with her better!
I'm with you!! I totally understand where you are coming from. I really agree with the "How I treat my body" and the politics. So glad you are willing to post, even if it is random ;)
Woah. Totally didn't realize I wasn't signed up to receive updates on your site... I guess I just follow via facebook posts. I'll sign up now. One less mystery reader!
Amen on all counts (particularly the political paragraph). I am the same kind of perfectionist. It's no good. And isn't it great to have a kid to teach you how you should be treating your body? Amazing how that works...
It is interesting to see the difference in my kids when I stayed at home full time and working full time. I love being there for all their crossroads.
I feel the same way about the politics. I wish I could be confident to vote for someone instead of against someone.
Okay, I'm a latecomer to your blog, so I'm going through all your old posts now.
"I think I'm a perfectionist. Not the kind who wants to do everything right, but the kind who is utterly terrified at making a mistake. I relive conversations long after they happen and I'm certain the other participant has forgotten, but I'm sure I've offended them or said something to make myself look like an idiot."
You just described me. It's a relief to know I'm not the only crazy out there. I try to keep my craziness a secret, but I guess if people as cool as you are also crazy, then I don't need to be so concerned about revealing my craziness to the world. There might be a person or two out there who will still like me after they find out :)
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